9 Social Graces and Business Etiquette Tips for Building Relationships

In business, one of the fundamental measures of success is the ability to build long-term, profitable relationships. These profits are not necessarily a reflection of just dollars and cents. Relationships can be profitable by measure of intangible assets, such as knowledge, experience, goodwill, association and reputation.

Businesses and societies are created, built and sustained by people working together towards common goals. It is often equally important in driving towards these goals to rely on who you know, in addition to what you know.

In the quest for driving toward optimal outcomes in any relationship, valuable connections begin by passing the initial test of making a good first impression. These early encounters are often evaluated by a person’s conformity to cultural norms and social graces.

DEFINITION: Social graces are skills used to interact politely in social situations. They include manners and etiquette, which are specifically accepted rules within a culture for the application of universal manners.

It is from these initial first impressions, by chance or circumstance, where relationships are built or discarded. The best foot forward in developing a solid partnership requires a foundation of mutual trust and respect. How that evolves, is through a continuation of good communications, transparency and honesty.

“The most important thing in communication is hearing what isn’t said.” Peter Drucker

Adhering to good business etiquette and social graces helps to open doors and keeps them open. Here are some tips and goals for making the best first impression and building treasured relationships that last a lifetime.

9 Social Graces that Impact Business Relationships

#1: Listen Up. It is critical to be a better listener than talker. Listening is one of the hardest skills to master in life. Our brains are wired to always be on, sifting through new ideas, making opinions and calculating our next move. It takes practice to “manage” all of that activity and just listen. It doesn’t mean you have to be silent. Social graces remind us to pay attention, don’t interrupt and let others speak. First impressions are often based on our ability to listen. Read more on this topic in Listen Up or Lose Out.

Goal: Be a Better Listener.

#2: Make Eye Contact. The inability to make eye contact is probably what loses more people’s interest in the first 10 seconds than any other social grace. Maintaining eye contact in direct communications shows you are interested in what the other person is saying. Be careful not to make it awkward or stare. Not all first contacts are made face-to-face; however, a good tip is to assume they are watching you through whatever device you are using. Imagine they can see where you are looking and how well you are paying attention. Sit up, focus on the conversation and talk directly into the speaker. Eliminate all distractions.

Goal: Give Everyone Your Full Attention.

“Looking someone directly in the eyes during a conversation is the key to making any social or professional connection. We rely on eye contact to communicate and connect with one another on a conscious and unconscious level.” – Psychology Today

#3: Be On Time. Provide the best opportunity for making a great first impression by being on time. Aim for five minutes early in all cases. Being on time is the most costly way to lose opportunities and harm relationships, even before they start. Every second you leave someone waiting is a second they are building up another reason why they are not interested in what you have to say. This applies to meetings over the phone, online or in-person. Being on time shows respect and that you care about the relationship.

Goal: Be the First to Arrive.

#4: Remember Names. It’s all in a name. If you show the lack of attention to remember a person’s name, you probably will lack the attention to detail required to achieve the goals in the relationship. Paying attention during introductions, writing down a person’s name and collecting their information are critical for fostering any relationship. You are better asking someone to repeat their name, then calling them the wrong name or calling them the generic “you” because you neglected to remember their name.

Goal: Get the Name Right.

#5: Ignore Hearsay. We all know how important it is to not judge others. There are many that find their lot in life to influence others with their opinions or share idle hearsay. It is not acceptable for justifying why you do or do not engage in a business relationship. In leadership, one of the biggest mistakes you can make is listening to gossip, chatter, noise and other’s unsolicited judgments in lieu of gathering your own facts and making your own first impressions. He said, she said, they said has no place in business. This does not mean you ignore fair and critical input, it simply means to use “facts” and your own experiences to determine the value in your potential relationship.

Goal: Get the Facts.

#6: Pass on Aggressive. One sure way to prevent any relationship from moving forward is being passive-aggressive. It is probably the #1 business communications violation. This doesn’t mean you should not speak up or participate in the conversation. In fact, not purposely withholding or participating in the conversation can also be a passive-aggressive behavior. Eliminate conversation roadblocks, such as: talking over people, negativity, ‘mansplaining’, interrupting others or giving back-handed compliments. When you begin a sentence, “You always…,” you have entered the danger zone. “Just kidding,” tells others you probably meant exactly what you said. Explaining the obvious is one way to shut down any 2-way dialogue. Aggressive has no place in social graces.

Goal: Avoid Stubborn ‘Know How’

#7: Understand the Culture. We are global. Relationships form at the bases of cultural differences and acceptance. We all have something to offer. This requires awareness and knowledge of cultural norms, behaviors and expectations. Cultures can be defined by demographic and sociographic boundaries like geography, language, heritage and ethnicity. It is also important to recognize that there are cultures within businesses as well. Do your homework in advance. Are gifts acceptable? Do you present a business card? In what direction? Do you use a title? What is the best attire? Ask others who are native to the culture, read, research and use Google. Ignoring cultural social graces when they venture outside your own “world” displays a lack of care and willingness to develop good relationships. It’s ignorant. Respect others and how they do business to get the most out of your relationship.

Goal: Understand the Cultural Impact

#8: Acknowledge and Respect. You never know who you will meet in life and how that person can change your future. The guy in the old pick-up truck driving down the road in Omaha might just be one of the richest people in the world, imagine that chance encounter to develop a meaningful relationship! Being open to other’s ideas, listening to their stories, being present when the ask for your attention are all vital social graces to building good relationships.

Goal: You Can Learn from Everyone

“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.”– Albert Einstein

#9: Thank You Matters Most. Two of the most important words in any relationship are thank you. Taking nothing for granted and respecting others time and space, all can be summarized with a note of gratitude. Thank you. Thank you for taking the time to meet. Thank you for your follow-up. Thank you for reaching out. Thank you for the introduction. Thank you for your consideration. Thank you for your help. Perhaps the outcome will not give you what you had hoped when you first engaged with a person; however, how you show up and pay your respect will be remembered forever. Acknowledging others actions shows you care and that is the ultimate social grace.

Goal: Always Give Thanks!

Thank you for taking the time to read this post. I look forward to staying connected and continuing the conversation.

Jamie Glass, CMO + President of Artful Thinkers, a sales and marketing consulting company.

September 30, 2012

Ready to Engage Your New Customer?

The buzz in marketing circles today is engagement. How do you effectively hook potential customers into a committed relationship? The investment a business makes in the engagement process should be directly tied to revenues. If you expertly and skillfully engage, sales will increase.

Competent engagement helps a business target, influence, nurture and convert prospects to customers. The more expeditious a business is in engaging with prospects, the bigger impact to the bottom-line. How are you engaging your potential new customers?

The easiest way to initiate engagement is to view customer and wedding engagements as the same. The difference between the two are in the details of tactics. How you move from targeting into proposal are nearly identical in overall strategy.

Engagement begins by determining how to get someone to respond to your offer. First, identify the target based on the qualifications of a “good match”. Who is a suitable candidate for engagement? What are the qualities you are seeking, both in demographics and social behaviors? Then you need to determine what makes you attractive to others. Packaging and presentation of your “stand out” qualities are critical in the initial step of the engagement process. Know where to direct your message and selling to the most qualified targets.

Second, you start the courting process, where all long-term valuable relationships begin. This step is more difficult to measure and needs careful preparation. You can spend a tremendous amount of resources influencing others and never get to the proposal. Laws of attraction and suitability apply. Who you target, what you say and why they are a good candidate must already be known to successfully influence the “right” prospect.

Using engagement tactics like research, focus groups, asking for referrals can speed progress directly influencing better qualified prospects when cultivating relationships. Put out a few “asks”. Look for agreement. Identify the buying signals. Know what makes this prospect want to engage further in the relationship. Define what is in it for them. It might take some sampling and analysis to reach a successful outcome.

Third, define acceptable terms of the relationship. Nurture your relationship to fully understand the “how and why” you need to partner. Build upon the strengths of your bond through mutual consent. Constant communication, validation and envisioning the success of your relationship solidifies the “why”. This is the beginning of a potentially long-term committed relationship, one that must be mutually beneficial. Are you both in agreement? Create timelines and set expectations to help control spending, time and resources while nurturing your relationship.

Fourth, make the BIG proposal. It is time to go all in and ask for the close. Whether it be a hand in marriage or to partner in business, the only way to get to a “yes” is to make the proposal. If you have taken time to go through an engagement process, building consensus along the way, you will have eliminated most of the risk in making the proposal. Converting a prospect to a buyer requires you to “pop” the question. It is time to seal the deal.

The opportunity to engage is there, are you ready to start the process? Only if you are able to commit to an engagement, will you be ready to “tie the knot” with a new customer.

[W]hen you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. ~Nora Ephron, When Harry Met Sally

By Jamie Glass, CMO & President of Artful Thinkers and Managing Director of Sales & Marketing Practice at CKS Advisors.

July 8, 2012

Who Makes the First Impression for Your Business?

business building handshake — Who Greets Your Potential Customers?

First impressions for your business are made by people that open doors, make cold calls, attend networking meetings and answer your phone. They are delivered by your marketing communications like social media and websites. How confident are you that your potential clients are greeted warmly and with a direct invitation to do business?

Years ago businesses paid someone to sit at a front lobby desk and answer every inbound call and greet every walk-in appointment. The receptionist qualifications were measured by friendliness, service-orientation and attentive disposition. The standard phone greeting of this time was “Thank you for calling, how can I help you?”

When is the last time were greeted this way? Today we are often met with automated attendants and empty lobbies. Some businesses have completely eliminated any dedicated space to a welcome station and filled it with another cubical. My impression is that first impressions are not a priority for this business. The decision that customer experience may be too costly to employ a dedicated person, may be costing you business.

It is not difficult to think back to a bad first impression. I recall three in the past weeks. One top restaurant asked me to wait outside in 110 degrees because they did not open for four minutes, yet the door was unlocked. Another restaurant hostess asked me to stand until my party arrived even though every table was empty. A technology company, which had a sitting place upon entry, left me for 20 minutes while employees stared at me. Not one person asked why I was there or if I needed help. I remember all of these first impressions, vividly.

Noted in a recent New York Times article Praise Is Fleeting, but Brickbats We Recall, “Bad emotions, bad parents and bad feedback have more impact than good ones. Bad impressions and bad stereotypes are quicker to form and more resistant to disconfirmation than good ones.” Sited from Roy F. Baumeister, a professor of social psychology at Florida State University in a journal article he co-authored in 2001, “Bad Is Stronger Than Good.”

How your employees are greeting the public, networking, making introductions, and opening doors for others is a direct reflection of hiring skills, company culture and leadership. Business owners, CEOs and managers own the customer experience. Every employee is responsible for making a positive first impression. How are you reinforcing how positive first impressions are made in your business?

Customer experience is a financial decision in business, unless revenues are low on the priority list. Reputation management is critical and costly. A bad review is hard to overcome. You can’t erase the Internet or someone’s memory. People use others professional and personal experiences as a reason to buy or not buy. Bad experiences are viral, whether online, through social media, on sites that track reputations or by word-of-mouth. Once word is out, it is permanent. You own it!

Every experience starts with the greeting. Take time to review how your potential and existing customers are greeted today. This applies whether you are selling B2B or B2C, for every industry, in a building or online. Use “secret shoppers” and have them rate how inviting, caring, and enthusiastic they were welcomed to do business with you.

Customer service is a pillar to good business. Customer experience starts when the phone is picked up, the door is unlocked or a web site is visited. We may not all have the luxury of hanging up a flashing “Welcome to Fabulous Las Vegas” sign to greet everyone. We do have the luxury to manage and train our messengers to provide an outstanding first impression.

Invest in your greeting. Define, train, test and continually reinforce how you want to insure a positive first impression. It your opportunity to create a long-term valuable relationship with your customer.

Jamie Glass, CMO and President of Artful Thinkers, a sales and marketing consulting company.